Texts: Genesis 2:18-24 and Mark 10:2-9
Marriage is almost certainly the most challenging relationship there is between people. And what the bible quotes Jesus as saying about marriage has been misinterpreted by people who don’t understand the Middle Eastern culture in Jesus’ time, or don’t want to admit that Jesus cared more about people and justice than he did about the established institutions of his day.Here are some facts about life, marriage, and divorce in Jesus’ time:
First, marriages were not instituted by the couple falling in love. Marriages were arranged by the parents involved. So, for a man to divorce his wife was to dishonor his parents, who had chosen the wife and contracted for her purchase (bride money or dowry--remember, women were owned by their men). Divorce broke the 5th commandment to “Honor your father and your mother.”
Secondly, marriages were between two extended families, not two individuals. When a male from one family and a female from another family were offered in marriage, it was frequently for social, political, or economic reasons; and the two families became one united family. When a man divorced his wife, it split the family into two groups that usually ended up feuding. Bloodshed often followed.
Third, while Roman law allowed a woman to divorce her husband as well as a man to divorce his wife, Jewish law did not allow women to divorce their husbands. Only husbands could divorce wives.
Fourth, it was easy for a man to divorce his wife. In some periods of history, all he had to do was say three times, “I divorce you” and that was it. By Jesus’ time, a written statement saying “you are not my wife and I am not your husband” was all that was required.
And last of all, there was no welfare system, or safety net, in Jesus’ time. Divorce was extremely cruel to women and children because a woman had to be under the care of a man all her life or she and her children had no means of support. When a husband divorced his wife, she had five choices: she could try to get her father, brother, or other male relative to take her and her children into his home; she could prostitute herself; she could steal; she could sell herself and her children into slavery; or they could starve to death. No wonder Jesus prohibited divorce! It was a justice issue! [1]
The other thing going on in the first century was that there was that pesky command in Genesis that people should “be fruitful and multiply.” Men wanted heirs to pass along the family name and honor, and that definitely played a role in thinking about marriage and divorce, but it was also an issue of God’s imperative. God commanded people to “be fruitful and multiply.” If a marriage wasn’t going to be “fruitful” with children, that wasn’t just rotten luck—to some it was a sign that the relationship wasn’t blessed by God. And it was (of course!) generally assumed that a “barren” marriage was the fault of the woman.
If God wanted humanity to be fruitful and multiply and a marriage wasn’t producing children to carry on not only the family name and honor but also the name of the God of Israel, then why shouldn’t there be divorce?
So it’s not surprising that when Jesus was asked about divorce, he quoted from the book of Genesis about God’s purpose for marriage and what kinds of behavior best uphold that purpose. But then he quoted from the wrong chapter!
Jesus starts with the vitally important affirmation from Genesis 1 that all people—women and men—are made in God’s image. But when he wants to say more about God’s intention for marriage, Jesus doesn’t go to Genesis 1 (be fruitful and multiply); he goes to Genesis 2:18 where it says, “It is not good that the human should be alone.”
So, God creates us for community in enfolding love. To become more fully who we are, who God made us to be, we need to walk alongside another who will be with us for the long haul, who sees us at our best and our worst and will tell us the truth about both, who knows us deeply and loves us unconditionally, or as the rock band U2 says in their song entitled “One”: “We’re one/but we’re not the same/we get to carry each other.” [2]
Jesus’ statement that remarriage after divorce constitutes adultery should not be taken as a reason to tell women to put up with abuse or “go home and try harder.” Remember, the most common reason a man in Jesus’ culture would have wanted a divorce was if the marriage wasn’t producing children who could serve as heirs. Jesus’ word on marriage pulls the rug out from under that. because he says, in effect, that a man who leaves his wife in hope of finding another marriage “fruitful” with children shouldn’t have children at all. Women and men, Jesus teaches, aren’t for use as baby factories or tickets to respectability, and a relationship isn’t to be taken up or put aside with those things in mind. [3]
A positive understanding tells us Jesus is saying that a marriage, like any other relationship, shouldn’t be evaluated based on its perceived “fruitfulness” in terms of children, but instead on what Paul would call its fruitfulness in the Spirit. A relationship between two people that helps both live more fully in the world and in their identity and vocation as human beings made in God’s image is blessed by God. Other considerations are incidental.
In the first-century Mediterranean world, what Jesus had to say was liberating because it gave women a chance they wouldn’t have otherwise had. He sought to protect women in his time because they didn’t have the rights and privileges men did. Today we may need to protect some people from unhealthy, abusive relationships, and saying Jesus forbids divorce is not the way to do it.
We are all called to be in community with one another and that means healthy relationships, whether we are part of a couple or part of a larger group of family, friends, congregation or the greater community. The enfolding love found in healthy relationships has the potential to set us free for authentic right relationship with one another—each of us loved uniquely as God’s child, each challenged and supported to grow in community. AMEN.
Endnotes
[1] Adapted from Note #5503 from Judy Boli to “Sermonshop Sermons” on Ecunet.
[2] From Sarah Dylan Breuer, http://www.sarahlaughed.net/lectionary/
[3] Ibid.
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